


The Home Life of An Unassuming High School Spider-kid

by theothersideisdenver



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: ;), Adopted Peter, Adopted Peter Parker, Adorable Peter, Artistic Liberties, Bottom Peter Parker/Top Wade Wilson, Bullied Peter Parker, But like not as a kink or anything, Cute, Embarrassed Peter Parker, Established Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Established Relationship, Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Is Gay, Field Trip, Flash bullies Peter, Fluff, He's not anorexic though, High School, I FORGOT TO SAY, I'll add more tags later, Internet, Interns & Internships, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Like basically just a bit of heavy kissing and everything else is implied, M/M, Mild Smut, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson are Best Friends, Peter and Wade are Adorable, Peter is 19 here, Peter's an "intern" at Stark Industries, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Spider-kid, Stark Expo, Stark Tower, Steve Roger's as Peter's Dad, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Superfamily, Superfamily (Marvel), Swearing, They All Live At The Tower, This was supposed to be a oneshot but I'm gonna add more chapters later, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tour of Stark Tower, Umm Idk what else, bitch, don't ask its a grade school mixup thing, extra cute, jk they're not all gay, just most of them, oh yeah, peter doesn't eat enough, tony adopted peter, verrrrrrryyyyyyy mild smut, very mild smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-09-21 15:38:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theothersideisdenver/pseuds/theothersideisdenver
Summary: When Peter goes with his class on their first of a series of field trips to Stark Tower to prepare for the Stark Expo everyone gets a big surprise about the family of their favourite punching bag. In each visit afterwards they find out more and more about  Peter's life, and become more and more disinclined to mess with him.(This is a mess guys, I'm sorry)*DISCLAIMER!!!!!*In the comics Wade is between 28-35 years old, plus the fact that he was cursed by the mistress of death to never age as well as to never die.Peter is ***CANONICALLY*** 28 also in the comics.that means they are at least the same age and at most 8 years apartIn this fic I have made Wade somewhere around 3 years older than Peter.Peter is 19This is adult, legal, and consentingDon't come at me, I will fight your ass





	1. It's hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

“And that’s why I will never mix bleach and orange juice in an old bathtub again. Just a reminder kids, don’t try to stir up concoctions with random substances until you know exactly how they react to each other!”

The shrill ring of the last bell interrupted Mr. Del mid sentence, and he had to shout to be heard over it. “Don’t forget to have your parents sign those permission slips and give them in to me before we leave tomorrow! If you don’t have a slip you can’t get on the bus, it’s as simple as that! Otherwise have a nice night!”

Peter and Ned hurriedly cleaned their stations, carelessly rinsing out the beakers and wiping down the table in three seconds or less. Then they joined the press of other students trying in vain to be the first out the door.

“Are you actually gonna give that form to Tony?”

Peter wrinkled his nose. “You call my dads by their first name and it sounds so weird.”

Ned rolled his eyes and shoved him lightly.

“But no, I’m not. I’m trying to make him forget I’ll be there tomorrow for him to embarrass, and him seeing the paper will do the opposite. I’ll just forge my pop’s signature or something.”

“Ooh, edgy Peter.”

“Oh my god Ned no.”

“Forgery is ILLEGAL Peter!”

“Ned. I have a Spiderman suit drenched in blood hanging in my closet. I think forgery is the least of my concerns. Plus, pop’s handwriting is basically just a scribble. It looks more like a kindergarten drawing of a lion than it does the word ‘Steve’.”

“Yeah, yeah. Still an edgy boi.”

“Just for that I’m ignoring you.”

“Fine, you do that.”

The two pretended to glare at each other and stuck their noses in the air. It lasted all of ten seconds before Ned spoke up again.

“Wait, are you going to decathlon practice today?”

“Oh hell no. If it’s optional I ain’t doing it. It’ll just be another chance for Flash to run his whole ‘You don’t actually intern at Stark Industries, you suck, your parents died haha loser’ dialogue.”

His best friend nodded sympathetically. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Ned turned down the hall towards the gym.

“I’ll text you tonight!” Peter yelled after him, then turned without waiting for a reply and jogged out the front doors toward his car.

-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-

“Face ID failed. Please remember to stay as still as possible during identification, Peter.” Jarvis’s voice sounded as mildly annoyed as an unfeeling AI could sound.

Peter forced himself to stop bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet while the tiny port beside the door to the living quarters carefully scanned his face. He was practically vibrating with excitement at the prospect of seeing his boyfriend again.

It had only been a few hours, but it felt like days. He felt safest when he was with Wade, preferably in his embrace under a pile of fluffy blankets.

The two had originally met while Peter was on patrol years earlier. They started having talks perched on rooftops, then moved onto working together in fights and to apprehend criminals. Wade saved Peter’s life, and Peter saved Wade’s.

Months passed, then one day while in a fight someone tried to knife Peter in the face, and ended up slicing most of his mask off. Wade said he felt bad that he knew what Peter looked like without Peter knowing his face as well. With a small warning not to be too shocked, he pulled his own mask off, and sort of just stood there waiting for Peter to run away screaming or something.

Instead Peter hugged him. And, not that he would admit to it, his crush on Wade grew larger.

Within a year they knew everything about each others ‘other’ lives. Another year after that and Tony offered Wade a job managing the defense of Stark Tower, a spot in the Avengers, and a room with the rest of the team in the living quarters of the tower.

Wade accepted all three, although he rarely participated in the Avengers things, and was living in the room (conveniently) next to Peter’s in the next week. Finally, a couple months after Peter's 18th birthday he left his phone unlocked accidentally, and Wade found all his texts to Ned about his crush on the mercenary.

Wade revealed his mutual feelings, and the two had been inseparable ever since. Tony even let them connect their rooms through the back of their closets, after he finished having a mental breakdown over it. Steve was all for them, of course, as was Natasha, Clint, Bruce, and Bucky.

“Face ID has been accepted. You may open the door sir.” Jarvis’s voice startled Peter out of his memories and over the threshold of his home. He casually tossed his bag down somewhere near the coatrack and slid down the hardwood floored hall to his room.

Opening the door and seeing Wade sprawled out on their bed, typing away at his laptop, filled Peter with happiness. He fell onto the soft comforter, wrapping himself around his boyfriend like they had been separated for years.

“Hey baby boy, I missed you too." Wade hugged him closer. "How was torture town?” “Awful. I wish dad would let me graduate already.” Peter mumbled into Wade’s shoulder.

Wade sighed. “Me too, but you know he can't. Mary and Richard wanted you to do as well as possible in school, and your parents won't mess with that. So you’ll just have to tough it out for one more year, I’m afraid.”

“I really hate it, Wade. It’s loud and pointless and packed with awful people who do awful things.”

“Did someone do something to you?”

“What? No one did anything to me.” Peter looked up at him, but something in his eyes didn't match his words.

“Who did what? What happened? Are you okay? I'll kill them. Why didn’t you tell me?” he pushed Peter up and checked him for bruises or marks of any kind.

“No, I'm fine, I swear.”

“That’s a lie and we both know it. Are you okay? Are you being bullied?”

“Calm down, I just told you I'm fine, and you know I'm perfectly capable of defending myself. Super strength, remember? I'm just annoyed at a teacher and taking it out on the school itself. Now can you relax so we can watch a movie or something?”

“I notice you didn’t answer the bullying question, and you normally moon over school, but okay. For your sake, I'll pretend I'm not gonna find out what happened, and we can watch The Office.” He held out his arm and Peter gratefully curled into him. He pulled the pile of blankets back over them and leaned down to press a soft kiss against Peter’s lips.

"I love you, baby boy." The mercenary whispered.

"Iluhyoutoo, Wade." Came the slurred but affectionate answer.

-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-

(Hour Skip)

-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-

Tony knocked quietly on the door, then opened it anyways without waiting for an answer.

“You know, that defeats all purposed of knocking, S-Man.”

The superhero ignored Wade.

“Is Peter asleep?” He asked, motioning vaguely towards the heap of fluffy blankets obscuring his son from view.

“Yeah. He didn't look all too good when he got home, and kinda just passed out after 15 minutes of Netflix.”

Tony frowned. “Well, I hope he feels better when he wakes up. There’s food in the kitchen if you want it now, and I’ll make sure to put two portions in the fridge for later. Make sure you both eat today, yeah?”

“Sure S-Man. I’ll tell Petey you say hi, blah blah blah, the usual.”

“Don’t call me S-Man.” The door clicked shut behind him.

Wade waited ten more minutes, then gently shook Peter awake. The teen groaned and pulled a pillow over his eyes.

“Don’t want to wake up yet. Too bright. Sleep more.”

Wade's heart melted a little bit at the picture his boyfriend made, but he shook him again anyways.

“C’mon, there’s food, and I know you haven’t eaten enough today.”

Peter considered it for a minute, keeping his eyes closed, then shook his head. “Nope. Not worth it. I’m too warm here to even consider getting up.”

Wade sighed, and in one fluid motion swung out of bed, wrapped the blankets around his boyfriend, and picked him up. The teen squeaked at the unexpected motion, but quickly buried his head in Wade’s chest as he walked down the hall towards the kitchen. He deposited what was basically just a giant ball of blankets on the couch and grabbed the plates that Tony had left for them gratefully.

“Here, baby boy.” He handed Peter a bowl of pasta carefully. “Eat, like, half of that, and then you can go back to sleep.”

Switching on the TV and sitting back to his own plate, he focused himself on categorizing the Hell’s Kitchen contestants into _Most likely to win the show_ , _Most likely to be eliminated within the first two episodes_ , and _Most likely to try to talk back to Gordon_.

Time passed quickly, and the next time Wade looked up it was pitch black outside. Peter had eaten two bites of his food, then promptly fell back asleep with his head in his boyfriend's lap. Wade, making the least amount of noise possible, collected and washed the dishes, straightened up the living room, and turned off the TV. Then he gingerly scooped up the teen, and carried him, for the second time that day, back to their room. 

"Pete, baby, can you wake up for just a few minutes?" Peter groaned quietly, but opened his eyes an infinitesimal amount. 

"But it's nice and quiet when I'm asleep." He still sounded exhausted, and Wade felt bad for waking him, but he knew Peter would be more mad at him if he let him sleep and he ended up having an assignment due.

"As long as you don't have any homework or anything, you just have to change, then you can go back to sleep."

"I dooooooooooo... not have any homework." He half-fell to the ground, then groaned and reached past Wade to grab the first pair of sweatpants he could find.

"Are you completely sure?" 

"Yeah I'm sure. You can check my bag if you don't believe me." He changed quickly, tossing his clothes haphazardly to the side, still squinting at the light.

"I believe you, I just don't want you to freak out tomorrow morning when you have three classes you didn't prepare for, baby boy." Wade pulled his own shirt off, folded it neatly, and put it away. He did the same with Peter's clothes, then checked through the room for anything that required his attention. 

"I'm still tired but if you don't get your ass in bed within the next five seconds I will throw you out that window."

Wade laughed. "Jarvis, turn the lights off in ours and all rooms not in use, please."

"All non-essential lightings have been turned off, sir." The room dimmed considerably, and he could hear Peter's sigh of relief.

Wade flopped down onto the soft bed, and curled around his boyfriend comfortably. "I love you, Spidey-babe." He whispered for the second time that night.

Peter smiled and buried his face further into Wade's chest. "I love you too, DP."

 

 

 

 

 


	2. The Bad Thing About Having Two Dad's Is Being Stuck In A Constant Loop Of Dad Jokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh okay, I'm not as happy with this chapter as I would like to be, but I hope you enjoy it anyways :3  
> (P.S. Yeah I know I'm not really consistent with writing out numbers, I tried to catch my mistakes here but I'm sure a good amount fell through.)

Peter groaned loudly and covered his ears. The incessant beeping of his alarm filled the room, only audible to him. 

"Jarvis, remind me in five minutes please."

"If I may, sir, you have already delayed this by 'five minutes' 8 times. In order to have time to get dressed, eat breakfast, prepare your materials, and get to school at your usual time you must wake up right now. Do you still want me to remind you in five minutes?"

Peter groaned even louder but sat up nonetheless. "No, you can just turn it off I guess. Could you get Wall-E to find my bag and bring it in here though?" Wall-E was the name he had given to a 'household helper' robot when he was five. 

"It would be my pleasure, Peter. He is on the way now."

The teen stretched and stood up, still exhausted for some reason. He had probably slept for more than 14 hours, but he felt as though he hadn't closed his eyes in days. Grabbing the first clean clothes he saw in his drawer, he headed into the bathroom to take the hottest shower possible, trying to wake himself up. 

When he walked back out, some 15 minutes later, Wall-E had put his bag next to the nightstand, and floated near the door, waiting for his next instruction. 

Peter gave him an affectionate pat and turned on the charging pod for him. The little robot made a purring sound and 'blinked' at Peter happily.

He opened his bag and rifled quickly through the contents, checking to make sure everything was in place and completed. He was about to close it again when a flash of white caught his eye. He pulled out the permission slip from the day before and cursed. 

Wade stuck his head in the room at that very moment. "Not very lady-like, baby boy."

"I fucking forgot to fill this in yesterday, and I can't ask dad or pops to sign it!"

"Woah, calm down. You forget who runs defense here. I have everyone's signatures memorized. Give it to me." 

Peter reluctantly handed it over, trying not to draw attention to the reason he even needed to get out of school that was printed in blocky letters across the top of the page. Luckily, Wade seemed not to notice, but it did little to calm Peter's nerves. It was likely that he wouldn't even be on the floors that the class was visiting, but if he was... Let's just say Peter didn't like having the spotlight on him.

-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-

The school bus was filled with screaming teenagers and teachers who just wanted it all to end. Ned was furiously tapping away at his phone, trying to finish his English homework, which was due that day at noon, and which he hadn't even glanced at for two weeks. Peter had his head pressed against the cool glass beside his best friend, and was half-heartedly scrolling through his Instagram feed.

All the sudden he sat up straight and looked at Ned. "What do you think my dad will do if he catches sight of me today? I didn't tell anyone about this."

"I mean, I don't think he'll care, it's just a field trip to the tower, he might not even notice you with the, y'know... 56 other kids on the trip with us."

"No, Ned, you don't get it. I just know I'll somehow draw attention to myself, and he'll see me, and make a big scene about saying hi, and then Pops will probably be there, and HE'LL make an even bigger scene, and then I'm sure Natasha and Wade will come to see why they're making so much noise, and then everyone will know who my family is, and I'll never get another moment of peace and I'll probably be roofied and murdered at a party when I'm 20 or something."

Ned stared at him without saying anything for a second. "Peter... Where the fuck did you get all that from? Worst case scenario Tony sees you and calls you 'son' or something and Flash has an aneurysm. I can promise you it won't be bad, and then you can just stay at the tower when the rest of us leave, 'cause you live there. The last two are actually pretty good things. I want to see Flash's head explode."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll just stay out of sight or say I need to go to the bathroom when my dad or someone's in the room, and no one will see me."

He settled back in his seat, pulling out his phone again at its insistent chime. Then his face paled. "No, no, no, no, no. Ned!"

His best friend sighed loudly. "Yes, Peter?"

"Listen to what my dad just sent me; 'Hey Underoos, I have a few kids coming to the tower today to prepare for the expo or something, would you mind if I used one of your labs in the tour just to show them the things you've made recently as inspiration? I'll be conducting the tour since Steve doesn't want me upstairs this morning for some reason. Painting or something, I'm not sure. Tell me soon, love you.'"

"Oh my god. You're fucked."

-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-

"Hey, Penis! I bet you're freaking out right now, 'cause when we get to Stark Tower everyone will know you're making up the internship."

"Fuck off Flash. You're just jealous because Peter's better than you at everything." Ned, as usual, defended his best friend from Flash's belittling. 

"Hah! In your dreams, loser!" Flash looked around the bus for support, but no one even pretended to pay attention to his shitty attempts at bullying Peter anymore. 

"Hey! Flash, don't call people losers. Ned, don't curse, and you, uh... edgy kid! Michelle! Stop vandalizing the history books!" Mr. Del called out from the front of the bus, unsuccessfully trying to reign in his students.

Flash grumbled but sat back down, Ned rolled his eyes discreetly, and Michelle continued to black out the section on Christopher Columbus with a sharpie. 

"Alright, now we will be arriving at the Stark Tower in about 15 minutes! I expect you to be POLITE! I expect you to be RESPECTFUL! I expect you to not TOUCH THINGS! If you get separated from the group you are to find your way to THE FRONT DESK and STAY THERE until someone can come to collect you! You will be given a visitor pass! You are not to lose these! There is a chance Tony Stark himself will be conducting the tour, in which case you are NOT to ask for a picture or interrupt him!"

Mr.Del stared at the rows of students meaningfully. "Now, as to the Avengers. There is a chance you will see them around the Tower or during the tour. I know it will be hard to ignore them, but that is what I expect you to do. If they interact with you, or if Tony Stark gives you permission to talk to them, you may do so RESPECTFULLY! We are here to represent Midtown High! That means we follow school rules and we make a good impression. If you fail to adhere to the rules, you will be written up, and you may get a detention. Otherwise, enjoy yourselves."

The bus jerked to a stop with his last words. Everyone scrambled to get up and be first out of the bus. Everyone, that is, except Ned and Peter. They trailed behind, Peter pulling his hoodie up to cover his face as best he could. Finally, when they jumped down, they were met with the gargantuan sight of Stark Tower, Peter's home. 

One of the ground floor staff, who Peter knew, stood at the front of the crowd of students, introducing herself.

"Midtown High! Welcome to Stark Tower! We are so excited to have you here today! I'm Meghan, I'm the head of the tour staff here, and I'll just be here to give you your passes, explain a couple things, and make sure no one gets separated from the group!"

She smiled at everyone, and Peter desperately hunched down to try not to be seen. He had known Meghan since he was seven, when she had started working at the Tower. She was just nine years older than him, and had always been helpful to him, letting him hide under the front desk during his and Thor's games of hide and seek, taking time to explain homework he didn't understand, and even buying him ice cream and letting him cry on her shoulder when he had his first break up. 

 _Of course, she would be in charge of my tour._ Peter though bitterly.  _There goes trying not to be recognized._

As she talked on about basic rules, such as not trying to get into places they weren't supposed to be during the tour, not stealing things, and not messing with the exhibits, Peter chewed his nails nervously and tried to distract himself by thinking about the experiment he was currently working on. 

It worked, and he tuned back in just as she started explaining the Pass system. 

"There are 15 tiers of passes. You all will be getting level two's, which will enable you to go on any floor below the 12th, provided someone with a higher pass scans it first. Without a staff scanning their pass, yours will only get you down to the first floor, nowhere else. The only people with tier 15 passes are Tony Stark, the Avengers, and Tony's family. Your names are printed on these passes. Please step forward and take your pass when I say your name. Do not lose them, as you only get one, and do not trade yours among your friends." She looked around to make sure everyone understood, then opened the bin of laminated passes beside her and began reading off names. 

After around 20 minutes, everyone but Peter had received their passes. He still had his hood up, so Meghan didn't recognize him, thankfully. "I'm sorry young man, I don't appear to have anymore passes. If you give me your name I can check my list again and grab you one, though." 

Peter sighed to himself and savoured his last moments of being the boring, nerdy kid that no one paid special attention to. "I already have a pass." Ignoring Meghan's look of surprise, he dug in his backpack and pulled out the thin blue card with his name printed across it. Carefully keeping the side with his tier facing away from his classmates, he shoved his hood back and looked at Meghan. 

"Oh, Peter! I didn't know you were in this tour, I would have gotten Wade to help me with the greetings!" 

Peter carefully ignored Flash's gaping at her familiar greeting and made a face at Meghan. "Please don't tell him I'm here, I don't really want him to make a scene about seeing me." He lowered his voice so no one else could hear him.

"I mean... Well, I shouldn't tell you, but he's going to be doing a whole part of the tour with Mr.Stark, so he'll most likely recognize you anyways." 

"It's fine Meg. Just don't say anything about my dads in front of the group, please." With his last plea, he flipped his hood back and moved to the back of the group again, ignoring everyone's expressions at his familiarity with the head staff. He consoled himself with the thought that no one was able to hear what they had said to each other. 

"Alright everyone, we're going to go into the lobby, and your surprise tour leader will take over from there! Remember, if you get lost or separated from your classmates, just go to the closest elevator, scan your card, and it will take you back down to the first floor!" Meghan opened the doors and stepped aside so as to not be trampled by the sudden flurry of excited teens. 

As Peter and Ned joined them, yet again last in the group, they heard awed murmurs at whoever was standing before them, and Peter's stomach dropped. He leaned over to Ned. "If that's who I think it is I swear to god I might actually throw up." His best friend gave him a sympathetic look but nevertheless craned his head around eagerly to see whoever it was. 

 

The person began to speak and Peter groaned. "Welcome to Stark Tower, Midtown High! I'm sure you all know who I am, billionaire, Avenger, Iron Man, inventor, all that humble stuff." He paused briefly for the laughter. "As you may have guessed, I'm here to be your tour guide for today, because I was told it's good for my image." More laughter. "So!" He swung around, motioning vaguely at the giant lobby. "We'll be going around to a few of the floors, namely the rooms that the Stark Expo will be held in, the Weapons and Transport rooms, and as a special treat, I've been given permission to show you around my son's lab, which could give you some ideas for your own inventions for the Expo. Oh, and before you say that you won't be able to do whatever he does, he's a junior, just like you, so you don't really have an argument for that, other than being outright stupid." 

There was some murmuring at the mention of his son, and Peter pulled his hood down further around his face. Tony, as a rule, barely mentioned his family to the press. Sure, they knew he and Steve were married, and there had been a big fuss when they found out they had adopted a kid, but, in an effort to keep Peter and their private lives protected from the eyes of the public, they tried to say very little on the subject. 

Thankfully, due to their efforts and no one being competent enough to connect Peter's coming and going at the tower, the only thing about him in the media was his initials, and a few unrelated pictures of him being presented with awards and such for winning this decathlon event or coming first in that science fair. Oh, and the pictures of Spiderman. Couldn't forget those. 

Peter had zoned out thinking about the press, and all of the sudden they were in an elevator, and Jarvis' cool voice was counting the floors they passed. 

"Floor four." A soft ding echoed around them, and the doors slid open smoothly. "Destination: weapons transport. Room 403. Tour Group: Midtown High School Junior Chemistry Classes. Please enjoy your day!" 

They all stepped out, and the doors closed silently behind them again. Tony and the rest of the group were already there, heading down the spacious hall towards the transport room. Peter had been there more times than he could count, so his bored sweep of the room initially missed something that had all the other kids excitedly chattering and pulling out their phones to take pictures of. 

Ned nudged him. "Dude, this day is just not working out for you, is it?"

"What?" 

The other teen gave him an 'are you an actual fucking idiot?' look. "Look. Down there, next to that big pile of crates. The guy in red look familiar at all?"

At that exact moment said 'Guy in red' turned to look up at them, and Peter's stomach dropped for the second time in not even fifteen minutes. 

Wade Wilson grinned and waved from the floor. 

"Well, so much for not wanting to be noticed, I guess." 

Peter wanted to die. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeek! Thank you so so much for your wonderful comments!  
> My computer's messed up right now, and it won't let me reply to things, leave kudos to other works, or change my profile picture, but It made me really happy to see them!  
> I always try my best to not leave any grammar or spelling mistakes, but English is not my first language, so I know some slip past. If you catch any, please let me know so I can fix them!  
> As always, thank you for reading and for your patience :3  
> -Denverfluid


	3. You Know When You See A Turtle And It Does The Head Thing And You're Just Like Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (SHORT)  
> Peter's an embarrassed boi  
> Or the one where he manages to escape from the group, but then Jarvis gives him away to Tony and Wade, who make Ned rat Peter out, and then it just snowballs from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'm here. Not dead. Yet. Maybe unfortunately. Idk. Still figuring out that part. I'll get back to you when I decide.  
> No but in all seriousness... I don't have an excuse. Just massive writers block and a ton of school stuff/performances.  
> So yeah. I'm sorry I took so long, but here's this... thing. It's not a good chapter, and it's short, but I'll try to write more on car rides and such this week.  
> Anyways, here's the intro that I originally had written for this thing. It still stands. <3's and all that.
> 
>  
> 
> aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY DO Y'ALL GIVE MY CRAPPY WRITING LOVE I DON'T DESERVE THIS!  
> No, but actually, I still can't reply to comments or really do anything other than read and update on here (I'm working on fixing that), so let me just say as a reply to all your lovely comments that I adore seeing; Thank you! It really means a lot to me that you like this!  
> Okay, enough rambling, onto the chapter!

Wade looked up at the assembled group of teens, fully clad in his superhero costume, as usual. He grinned and gave them a small wave, before turning back to check a few more things off his official-looking clipboard as Tony rambled on about the transportation process (No one was listening).

Finally, after a couple minutes of Peter hyperventilating next to Ned, and Wade taking his sweet time to finish the forms, the teen came to his senses and ducked his head down. 

"Ned, what am I gonna do? Oh my god I can't let him see me why did I even come today I'm never gonna live this down this is so embarrassing NED HELP-" He squeaked out the last two words desperately, almost falling over a stray box in his bumbling hysterics. Of course, Wade took that exact moment as an opening to run across the floor and flip himself up to stand before his boyfriend's astonished classmates. 

Peter, still rambling quietly in the background to himself, tried to get back up unsuccessfully. Ned, ever the level headed one in their friendship, shoved him back down on the third attempt. 

"Ned what the actual heck let me up you doofus... There's no way he won't recognize me, oh god why did I come here, my life was a mistake, I'm gonna yeet myself off the next bridge I see I swear to-" 

"Peter, will you shut up and let me think for a couple moments?" Peter barely paused for two seconds before starting up again, but that was all the time Ned needed. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna use your spiderman sneaky powers to get back to the doors without being seen, then use your face ID to scan out of here, and go back down the hall to the elevators. When our group comes back out it will just be Tony, and you can slip past him and pretend you 'got lost' on your way to 'the bathroom'. That way Wade won't get a chance to recognize you and your dad will be too busy talking about the company to notice that one of the kids in the tour looks exactly like his son and is wearing his son's boyfriend's hoodie. Got that?"

Peter nodded mutely, either too anxiety stricken to answer, or just in awe of his best friend's sudden genius. 

"Alright, when I say, then." Ned focused carefully on Tony and Wade, waiting until they both had their backs turned to the doors, then hissed a sharp "Now!" at Peter, and watched him dissapear silently behind a large discarded crate. A few seconds later he heard the telltale *click* of an accepted face scan, and the doors opened ever so slightly, closing again silently almost immediately. He breathed out a sigh of relief, only to be shot back into panic mode a half second later by the familiar sound of Jarvis's alert signal coming from Tony and Wade's watches.

The kids were still engrossed in videoing the room and the two Avengers standing before them, and they didn't even notice the flickering on their Idol's screens. 

Tony glanced at his, did a double take, and brought his wrist up to his face to re-read it carefully. He gave the red-clad superhero a 'You seeing what I'm seeing?' look.

Wade responded in kind, and the two had a silent conversation that seemed to comprise entirely of the raising and lowering of their eyebrows, or, in Wade's case, the area where his eyebrows would be, and slight head movements. Finally, Tony turned back to the group and his publicity façade slid back on.

"Okay then kids, It seems like we are going to have a slight change of plans in the tour! It's nothing bad, I promise! In fact, some of you will probably really enjoy this!" He shoved his hands in his pockets and merely glanced at the security interface for the doors before they opened. He continued to talk as he led the group back down the hall towards the elevators. "I bet you all do things that annoy the hell out of your parents, right?" There were murmurs of agreement from the still starstruck teenagers. "You know, when I was younger, I used to mess with anything I could get my hands on. It would piss my dad off to no end. I still remember... One time I was just twisting an elastic around while we waited for my mother to finish getting dressed, and, you know, it was just fidgeting, I didn't even realize I was doing it. But boy, my dad sure noticed! One second I have three knots tied into the elastic, and the next it's out of my hands and I feel the side of my face stinging like hell. Turns out, my dad had somehow grabbed the elastic, untied it, aimed, and shot it right at my cheek in the span of maybe half a second or so. I stopped using rubber bands after that, I switched to drawing on my arms with ballpoint pens. But I guess my dad didn't like  _that_ either, because one day I came home from school..."

As Tony rambled on with humorous stories from his childhood, setting the group into a trance-like awe, Ned felt his phone vibrate from his back pocket. He pulled it out, and there's a text from ' _Peter's Dad_ '  simply reading;

**_Ned, I know you had something to do with this. I'm not mad, I just would have liked to know that Peter was on this tour before it started. I'm willing to spare you two the 'Honesty is an important trait in this family, where else have you been going without telling me, I just care about you, blah blah blah' chat... IF you can tell me where Peter is._ **

Ned groaned silently.  _Man, Peter is gonna kill me._ But he typed out a brief  ** _Lab._** anyways, and said screw the consequences. Peter could only hide from his lineage for so long, and anyways, he wanted to see Flash's face when he eventually made the connection between Peter and Tony. 

His phone buzzed again, and he checked it again.

**Thanks.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know. It's short. I'll (try to) add more tomorrow or Sunday.  
> Again, thank you so much for all the (undeserving) love on this fic, it really means a lot.  
> Big hearts :3  
> -Denverfluid


	4. When your boyfriend makes more dad jokes than your actual dads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finds out about a couple trackers put on him, and there's a mildly big plot point put into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH AN UPDATE WITH SOME SEMBLANCE OF ACTUAL PLOT PROGRESSION, IS THE AUTHOR FINALLY BEING RESPONSIBLE?????  
> (No. The answer is no.)  
> Anyways, I'm dedicating this chapter to my wonderful friend Corene because her BTS fanfic reminded me I had things to write on here. Thanks for sticking with me throughout this weeks drama coaster and ily.  
> Also, we just passed 300 subscriptions, which is mind-blowing to me. Thank you all so much for reading this, and liking it enough to leave all those great comments, and not being mad at me for not updating as regularly as one should.  
> I tried my best on this admittedly short chapter, as always I don't feel it's quite up to code, so please feel free to give me constructive criticism and suggestions for how the plot should proceed!  
> I don't actually have a plan for anything, I just kind of go with whatever comes to me while writing, so if you have any ships, events, characters, dialogue, etc. that you think would add to the quality of this work, please tell me!  
> Again, thank you so much for being great, and I hereby give you Peter Parker being a dork

"Title: 'Underoo's Lab'. Acess level: Executive 10. Entry granted to persons; Peter (Stark-Rogers) Parker - primary claim, Wade Wilson - relations claim, Anthony Stark - secondary claim; family claim - father, Steve Rogers-Stark - secondary claim; family claim - father. Would you like a history of individuals granted access within the past 30 days, sir?"

"No, Jarvis I just want to get into my lab without my dad realizing. I know there's a way, It's just a matter of finding it before whatever alerts he has following me go off."

"Very good sir. Should I scan and report the 'alerts' you currently have tracking you or your possesions?"

Peter paused from his fervent examination of the I.D. pad's exposed wires, and stared hard at the camera functioning as Jarvis's eyes. "You can do that? Yeah of course I want a report!"

"Executing the scan immediately, sir."

No more than a minute later the A.I.'s smooth voice sounded out from the hidden speakers again. "Protocols found for one Peter Benjamin (Stark-Rogers) Parker, in order from largest (highest priority assigned) to smallest (lowest priority assigned): Protocol 1 - 'Training Wheels' assigned to the 'Spidersuit'. Created by: Anthony Stark. Purpose: 'To slowly introduce Peter to his new suit and train him without risk of-"

"Yeah, yeah, I've already read about that one. Next please."

"Very well sir. Protocol 2 - 'Baby Monitor' assigned to Peter Benjamin (Stark-Rogers) Parker. Created by: Anthony Stark on August 27, 1999. Purpose: 'To track my sons movements and locations until he is an adult, and/or deemed responsible enough to forego it."

Peter sighed in annoyance.  _I'm 19, and I'm responsible enough to be Spider-man, what more does he want?_ But he kept his thoughts silent and motioned for Jarvis to move to the next alarm, leaning back down to fiddle with the I.D. pad wires again. 

"Protocol 3 - 'Loss Prevention Unit' assigned to Peter Benjamin (Stark-Rogers) Parker. Created by: Anthony Stark. Purpose: 'Another tracking service that detects if Peter might be being kidnapped through smart location services and body movement trackers. Set to only alert me for the time being.' 

Peter rolled his eyes. "Next, Jarvis."

"Sir, most of the rest of the protocols have been suddenly password protected, and the ones remaining are small and inconsequential to you. I also should inform you that Tony and Wade have noticed your abscence and are currently checking your usual hideouts. I have not given them your location under the guise of being overriden, but I don't expect that ruse to last long. I suggest you find a place to hide within the next fifteen minutes."

"Not necessary Jarvis, but thanks for covering for me." Peter carefully switched the input and output positions of two wires, and the doors slid open silently. "If that worked like I hope it did, there should be no sign that I did that to anyone else." He walked into his lab and flicked his hand upwards slightly, prompting all the lights to turn on. 

The door slid shut behind him, and a thin gleaming sheet of clear glass-like material lit up on the first table in the lab. Peter picked it up casually and unlocked it, opening back up his most recent project; a miniature smart robot that would go around the living quarters in the tower and do simple tasks for people. The tasks and locomotion parts of his programming were done, but Peter was working on designing facial expressions, simple emotions, and a more complex 'brain' system. 

He took a seat on his favourite wood stool that Wade detested for some reason ('It's so  _ugly_ spidey, how do you even sit in it?' 'Like a normal chair I guess? And don't insult my furniture babe. I may love you, but I love them a lot more.'), and tapped the table's screen to wake it up. A couple taps later and it had synced to the other device he was holding, which he then put down in favour of the table. 

Grabbing the prototype for the robot, which he had named 'Jackson Pollock' (or just 'Jackson') after it spewed flecks of multicoloured paint across the once pure white walls of his lab, he pulled up the 3D design and put his headphones on. 

Not 5 minutes later, unbeknownst to Peter, Tony, Wade, and all of his classmates stood outside his lab doors. 

"So, teenagers, as you may know from tabloids and those weird Snapchat news stories or whatever they're called, I have a son. Actually wait, I think I already told you that. Well, if I didn't, now you know! Anyways, my kid takes after me, and is always making new inventions or designs. You know that cool new bow that you may have seen Hawk-eye using? My son was the one who designed and built that for him. So yeah, inventor, yada yada, boring. Well, he started using my labs to design things, and since I am the worlds richest man alive and also have a very large 'personal space bubble', I decided to get him his very own personalized high tech lab! And this door that we just so happen to be standing in front of, leads to that lab. And in that lab is one of your classmates, and my son. Now, here's where things get exclusive. Me and my husband have made it a point to never have our son photographed or publicized, and as such, he had a pretty normal, papparazi free childhood. Also as such, no members of the general public have ever seen him in connection to us. But today, good children of whatever the fuck high school you said you go to, I present to you...." Tony discreetly pressed his thumbprint to the touchpad. "My pride and joy!" 

The doors slid open and Peter's classmates peered in shyly at first, then with growing confidence. Wade stood silently in a dark corner of the lab, grinning like a maniac at Peter's unsuspecting form, still sitting on his stool, working away at his Pollock-Bot. He played his music as if he was trying to be the world's youngest superhero to go deaf, so he had no idea that anyone else was even remotely near him. 

Slowly, the class (and Tony) made their way over to the oblivious teen, but no one had tried to see who he was yet, everyone seemed scared to go too near him, as if he might burst into flames at the slightest invasion of space. Finally, Tony sighed and tapped the kid on the shoulder. 

Peter absentmindedly took out one earbud and, without thinking or even looking up said "Yeah, Dad?". A few people gasped, recognizing his voice as that of their nerdy classmate, and the sound seemed to draw him out of his trance. He looked up at Tony, gave a yelp, realized what Tony being there meant, and whirled around to stare at the group, who stared back at him.

Flash Thompson was the first to speak, ironically. 

"Pen-Peter? Peter Parker?  _You're_ Tony Stark's son?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. 'Tis short. I know. I just don't have the time or the energy to make these longer, but shorter updates means slightly more frequent updates.  
> Anways, I got this idea that I really want to try, which is writing a haiku to summarize each chapter of each book in the Harry Potter series. It would give me much needed practice for writing poetry, and I think it would be kind of fun. Tell me what you think in the comments please, as always, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.  
> Side note, you all are wonderful, thank for 500+ kudos and 330+ subscriptions I don't know what I did to deserve this lol.  
> :3  
> -The One And Only, Denver


	5. Hi sorry I’m not good with titles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers! I’m... not the author. My name’s Theö (don’t ask about the Ö), and I’m your author’s friend. Dennie has been going through some shit, mainly learning that she’s moving, choosing a house, and packing up her entire life within the space of two weeks. She hasn’t been able to really get on the internet for apparently months, but she said she feels really bad about the lack of chapters published. This is what she texted me (translated from French, so sorry if it sounds weird) 
> 
> “I have around 3 or 4 chapters prepared for them, I just haven’t been able to upload them at all. I’ll send them all over to you, with my account details, and you can upload them for me. Please tell the readers I’m sorry for being the worlds shittiest author, and I’ll be back as soon as I can. 
> 
> Love you Theö, you’re literally the best idiot ever”
> 
> I don’t know if she wanted me to leave that last part in or not, but I am anyways so suck it. Anyways yeah, here’s the first thing she sent me. From Wade’s POV.

_Wade sat next to Peter on the railing of their balcony, legs dangling freely above the hundred foot drop. The sun was just beginning to crest the horizon, throwing reds and purples across the sky in a beautiful jumble._

_“Petey...”_

_“Hmm?”_

_Wade was silent for a moment, still basking in the early morning peacefulness._

_“If you had to list them, what do you think your top five fears would be?”_

_Peter turned his head slightly to look at Wade with inquisitive eyes, and sighed._

_“Well, number one, obviously, losing you.” He leaned his head into Wade’s shoulder. “Number two would have to be... Dad or Pops dying. Three is easy; anyone from school finding out that I’m spider-man”_

_Wade glanced at him, surprised. “Really? That’s one of your top fears?”_

_“I mean, I already have enough people that hate me now, but at least I’m mostly invisible, y’know?” Peter paused. “Like, I can just walk through the halls, go to my locker, and be a normal teenager when I’m at school. It sucks, sure, but it’s the only really normal thing that I have. If people knew I was a frickin superhero, nevermind the whole “Tony Stark Steve Rogers child” thing, I wouldn’t get that. I’d be constantly bombarded with people and attention and it’s just too much, like I’m getting stressed just thinking about it.”_

_Wade put his arm around the teen comfortingly. “Hey, it’s okay. That’s not gonna happen. Superhero identities are pretty hard to crack.”_

_“Yeah, you’re right I guess. I still worry sometimes about my dads though. It wouldn’t be as bad as an unmasking or whatever, but, well, you know how my Dad gets sometimes. I can’t really trust him not to blurt it out at some event or interview just to see the stir it causes. And, you know, then I’ll get people constantly kissing my ass and trying to be my “friend” and stuff. It just... it’s frustrating. And kinda scary.”_

_“Well first off, the only person that should be kissing your ass is me.”_

_Peter smiled. “And second, even if worst comes to worst and someone finds out your dads are the worlds richest ex-playboy and the most patriotic ex-popsicle, we’ll figure out how to deal with it. It’s not the end of the world.”_

_Wade smiled gently down at Peter, and Peter smiled back at him._

_“Thank you.”_

_“Of course. Anything to help the man I love.”_

_“Aww. I love you too Wade.”_

 

 

Wade’s eyes snapped open suddenly. He was back standing in a shadowed corner, unnoticed by both the group of high schoolers and Tony. 

 

Why was he here again? Oh right. The events leading up to that moment flashed across his mind, along with a sinking feel of dread. 

 

_Shit_.  Peter’s third worst fear was coming true. And Wade had done nothing to stop it.  _ I’m the worst boyfriend in the world . _

 

Tony tapped on Peter’s shoulder, and the teen took out one of his earbuds but didn’t look up. 

“Yeah dad?”

 

There were gasps from the group, who seemed to recognize their nerdy classmate’s voice, and Peter, drawn out of his trance, yelped and whirled around to stare at the group. 

 

The first to talk was an ugly kid Wade remembered to be called “Flash”, from Peter’s hour long rants to him. 

 

“Pen- Peter?” The kid seemingly started to say something, but quickly corrected himself. “Peter Parker? You’re Tony Stark’s son?” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was told to put this at the end;
> 
> This fic: gets updated 
> 
> Readers: wait a minute, that’s illegal


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